One year ago. I felt it in my chest. There was a fire flaring up in my body and the flames were rising to my head. I knew I could get frustrated and angry. This. This was scary. I kept asking God to take it away. Maybe it was winter, you know, that Seasonal Affective Disorder thing. Maybe it was the crazy menopause train? If I explained it away, it would go away. I did start drinking more coffee. Yes. That had to be it because I started feeling tremors in my arms and legs. Strange. I tried to hide that one because I could. I thought it was weird. I went to my usual classes at the Y and ten minutes in, I was starting to feel tired. The same classes that I had been working out in for the past few years. I wasn’t sleeping well at night, sometimes, wide and bleary-eyed, crying and asking God to give me sleep. I resorted to scouring the internet and webmd with my symptoms. Big mistake.
A couple of weeks went by and instead of reasoning away, I finally shared all this with my Hubs, who I normally tell EVERYTHING to and he prayed over me and I made the appointment. My first appointment and less than a week later, I started getting diagnoses sent over the portal. The doctor's office called me in for a second appointment and blood panel. I was diagnosed with: hyperthyroidism, elevated liver enzymes and a disposition for Sjogrens (an autoimmune disease). I was given the options of swallowing a radioactive iodine pill to highlight any nodules on my thyroid and then to get an ablation on my thyroid and be on Synthroid as long as necessary. I was convinced to not go this route, believing there would be better, natural options. I had already been researching essential oils and supplements. As I prayed, I contacted my dear friend, Kendra. I had seen her post about Young Living Essential Oils on pinterest. She was someone I trusted and knew she was a woman of character. I asked her a ton of questions. We bought a premium kit and I slowly started diffusing and applying oils. As I researched and read more about my health issues, I purchased and started with Ningxia Nitro, then Sulfurzyme, followed by Ningxia Red. I was noticing my symptoms decrease and thanking God for it. I was seeing what the LORD was doing in me through this process and knew ultimately it was about trusting Him with my whole life. I know I am not promised a healthy life but while I'm here, I want to live wisely and fully for Him.
Looking back in the rearview mirror, I recall symptoms leading up to the major flare up. I was feeling so anxious, insecure and unwell. I knew that I was so severely stressed out, living with unmanageable expectations of myself as a wife, homeschool mama, daughter and friend. God was and is teaching me to be still, to seek Him, to trust Him and to live for an audience of One. His grace is bigger than I can handle and yet I have been trying to hold Him back. He wouldn't let me.
As the months on the calendar were flipping over, I kept saying that I would go get a follow-up after 6 months of using oils and supplements. I was apprehensive but felt SO much better. In October, I went to my annual and talked with my Nurse Practitioner about getting another blood panel done. She said, "I have a good friend who chose the natural route through a healthy diet. She isn't 100% but she's much better." She recommended I seek out an Endocrinologist after this appointment. She told me she would be in touch after the results came in. I received a call the very next day. My NP said, "Um, your results are in. I've been scouring the pages and I don't see any of the red exclamation marks in the areas that I would expect. ALL. YOUR. LEVELS. ARE. NORMAL." I could not believe it. She was flabbergasted and so was I. How was this even possible? I could not seem to understand that this diagnoses could change. And really, I didn't know if I was willing to accept it.
I know that this is not always the story. This is not always the outcome or result. God is healer. And I have seen Young Living Essential Oils and supplements do nothing but help my family and me on our health journey. This stuff is the real deal. I know medicine has a place and is certainly necessary in a lot of cases. Our goal is to live as chemical-free in our home, as possible. As a family, we are healthier and our immune systems are higher. Thank God, because this woman needs all the energy I can get. Our journey and this adult-ing continues and I am thankful God has given me this life and the ability to share this story.
More than anything, I see the Almighty God wanting me to see His heart. He wants me to receive His full-on, big-grace, even if I try to push it away. He won't let me.
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
Friday, November 4, 2011
Little Hands
I'm weeping right now in being reminded how little these hands are that I hold today. This pair of 7-year-old hands that feel like big puppy paws in mine. He lets me hold his hand when we walk to the 1st grade or when I walk him home. These little 4-year-old hands that I hold to spin around and the hand that I hold when I walk her to Preschool. And these sweet 2-year-old hands that want to do everything by himself but will hold them up and say "carry, please?" I can't cling to this life but somehow, I just want to stop the hands on the clock because it is just happening too fast.
I think about the 'inconvenience' of having to do the laundry one more time because someone peed in their pajamas. I find myself 'demanding' I not get interrupted when I am on the phone or when I'm in a conversation...one more time. I think about what is on my agenda and my list of to-do's but then, a little person falls down the steps and needs me to hold him and wipe away the tears. We're already running late for school and she says, "Mama, I have to go poop."
A couple months ago, I found a cute idea from some smart mommy to have the kiddos color craft sticks (you know, those tongue depressor thingies). Later, we thought of all the people in our lives we could be praying for each evening at dinner and wrote their names on the sticks. It is so neat to see how excited all three littles are to be the one to close their eyes and pick the name/family that we will pray for that night.
Tonight after dinner, my Special K came up to me and pulled three craft sticks out of his pocket. They were colored and he said, "Mom, I have something to show you." "What is it, sweet boy?" He says, "One is for when I need to pray to God that He would change my heart. The second one is for when I need to listen to Mommy and Daddy and obey you. The third one is to Love."
WORD! We have been talking and praying, day after day and night after night about him having a listening heart. I have had more than one conversation with him about how God chose us to be his parents and that we are responsible for him, to take care of him, to teach him and to love on him.
Just when it feels like you want to yell, "Do you hear the words coming out of my mouth?!", a dear sweet child that I bore seven years, through 2 days of painful, crawling on the floor contractions and then 17 hours of labor tells me about God needing to change his heart, that he needs to listen to Mommy and Daddy and to LOVE. Yipee!
Before tomorrow happens and he forgets about the sticks and the Love, I just want to remember this moment. This moment I cherish what the LORD is doing in my son's heart. I want to remember my daughter, waking up screaming because she has to go potty Afterwards, me putting her back to bed, getting to hold and rock her like I did, almost five years ago. Today, I'm going to remember the little hands that were held up to me with a tiny voice that said, "hold my hand, Mommy" and carried a soccer ball and a teddy bear everywhere he went.
I think about the 'inconvenience' of having to do the laundry one more time because someone peed in their pajamas. I find myself 'demanding' I not get interrupted when I am on the phone or when I'm in a conversation...one more time. I think about what is on my agenda and my list of to-do's but then, a little person falls down the steps and needs me to hold him and wipe away the tears. We're already running late for school and she says, "Mama, I have to go poop."
A couple months ago, I found a cute idea from some smart mommy to have the kiddos color craft sticks (you know, those tongue depressor thingies). Later, we thought of all the people in our lives we could be praying for each evening at dinner and wrote their names on the sticks. It is so neat to see how excited all three littles are to be the one to close their eyes and pick the name/family that we will pray for that night.
Tonight after dinner, my Special K came up to me and pulled three craft sticks out of his pocket. They were colored and he said, "Mom, I have something to show you." "What is it, sweet boy?" He says, "One is for when I need to pray to God that He would change my heart. The second one is for when I need to listen to Mommy and Daddy and obey you. The third one is to Love."
WORD! We have been talking and praying, day after day and night after night about him having a listening heart. I have had more than one conversation with him about how God chose us to be his parents and that we are responsible for him, to take care of him, to teach him and to love on him.
Just when it feels like you want to yell, "Do you hear the words coming out of my mouth?!", a dear sweet child that I bore seven years, through 2 days of painful, crawling on the floor contractions and then 17 hours of labor tells me about God needing to change his heart, that he needs to listen to Mommy and Daddy and to LOVE. Yipee!
Before tomorrow happens and he forgets about the sticks and the Love, I just want to remember this moment. This moment I cherish what the LORD is doing in my son's heart. I want to remember my daughter, waking up screaming because she has to go potty Afterwards, me putting her back to bed, getting to hold and rock her like I did, almost five years ago. Today, I'm going to remember the little hands that were held up to me with a tiny voice that said, "hold my hand, Mommy" and carried a soccer ball and a teddy bear everywhere he went.
"My son (my daughter), pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:20-23
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
'Til the End
It has been a long time. I have not written in seven months. I have missed writing and sharing. Life has been happening and let's just say that packing boxes and moving is not my forte. But we're settled now and I am so thankful for where we have been and where the LORD has brought us.
A sweet friend asked me to contribute to her blog site about my faith and how friendship has played a part in it. Friends have encouraged me and helped to strengthen my faith for as long as I can remember.
Here is what I shared:
"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:12-13
A sweet friend asked me to contribute to her blog site about my faith and how friendship has played a part in it. Friends have encouraged me and helped to strengthen my faith for as long as I can remember.
Here is what I shared:
"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:12-13
I know that I will never be capable to love as Jesus has loved me. And to know that there is no greater love than to lay my life down for a friend? Inconceivable. I have gone ten rounds in my head, thinking about all the wonderful friendships that God has blessed me with in my, ahem, 30-some odd years on this earth.
He gently pursued me over ten years ago. I put up my hand and gently said No. Over the next couple of months to follow, I thought about it some more and reconsidered the gesture. So, this friend and I gave it another try. He was an absolute gentleman, taking me out on a nice date. What I remember is thinking I just wanted to run into the house and tell my roomates what a bad idea this was. And I did. It didn’t go over so well so we parted ways. We had been friends the two years, prior, so it was a little strange to have a different sentiment on our friendship. In fact, it changed everything...
You can read the rest at a fancy little blog by my friend Aimee, called: www.fancylittlethings.com
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Streams of Conciousness
Every time I sit down to collect my thoughts and maybe even start a blogpost, I freeze and the thoughts don't come together. I have so much on my mind that I do not even know where to begin.
I am feeling pretty helpless, too, that there is this natural disaster and human tragedy happening across the world. So I sit, I pray, we share with our kiddos how we can pray for the people in Japan. We talk about what it means to be in need. We also talk about what clean water is and how people all over the world do not have clean water to drink. And tonight, when I think that a certain 4-year-old girl in our home doesn't listen to a word we say...before bed, she prayed for clean water for the people of Haiti. My heart broke all over again. Thank You God that you know what our hearts should pray and that you would lead us to help in any way that we can.
This post is my streams-of-conciousness post. Bear with me. My head has been reeling in the details of our home selling, God tweaking our path. We are trusting that His plans are higher than ours.
The 10K that Hubs & I are running in is in 20 days. Mercy. We did run 4.2 miles this past Sunday. I was darn proud that we did but to top it all off, Special K biked the WHOLE trail. There was not even one complaint. And, he stopped at every crosswalk, even if he was ahead of us and he would wait for us to get there. C'mon, it wasn't like we were sweating, panting and praying we'd be able to crawl up the one of two hills we ran up! LOL.
Between doctor visits for the kiddos, sneaking in runs, saying Goodbye to dear friends that are moving away, holding our littles in the middle-of-the-night because they cannot sleep and wondering where we will be living in less than 4 months, here is what softens the blows. You know, in teeny-tiny, ever-loving spoonfuls:
In our house, we are looking forward to Spring. Bring on the sunshine. Please. I have felt like one big, smushy snot rag all winter and we are ready to dry out in the gorgeous brightness and warmth of the sunlight!
In the meantime, here is what occupies the younger two on days inside:
I am feeling pretty helpless, too, that there is this natural disaster and human tragedy happening across the world. So I sit, I pray, we share with our kiddos how we can pray for the people in Japan. We talk about what it means to be in need. We also talk about what clean water is and how people all over the world do not have clean water to drink. And tonight, when I think that a certain 4-year-old girl in our home doesn't listen to a word we say...before bed, she prayed for clean water for the people of Haiti. My heart broke all over again. Thank You God that you know what our hearts should pray and that you would lead us to help in any way that we can.
This post is my streams-of-conciousness post. Bear with me. My head has been reeling in the details of our home selling, God tweaking our path. We are trusting that His plans are higher than ours.
The 10K that Hubs & I are running in is in 20 days. Mercy. We did run 4.2 miles this past Sunday. I was darn proud that we did but to top it all off, Special K biked the WHOLE trail. There was not even one complaint. And, he stopped at every crosswalk, even if he was ahead of us and he would wait for us to get there. C'mon, it wasn't like we were sweating, panting and praying we'd be able to crawl up the one of two hills we ran up! LOL.
Between doctor visits for the kiddos, sneaking in runs, saying Goodbye to dear friends that are moving away, holding our littles in the middle-of-the-night because they cannot sleep and wondering where we will be living in less than 4 months, here is what softens the blows. You know, in teeny-tiny, ever-loving spoonfuls:
 | |||
| Mmmm... |
Don't you want to know what it is?
 |
| You bet your buns, Ray. Haagen Dazs - Java Chip |
In the meantime, here is what occupies the younger two on days inside:
 | ||
| Isn't this box spectacular? |
 |
| "Don't I look fantastic in this hat?" "Hmmm, I wonder when we're having lunch!" |
 |
| "Oh, and another thing..." "I guess I'll have to tide myself over with this milk...sigh." |
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
A Chipped Plate
 | |
| Broiled Haddock with a Ginger Soy Glaze and Garlic Creamed Spinach |
This was dinner last night. It was so delish! It was a joint effort by Hubs & me. He even made mini potato croquettes...yum! But those were a tad overcooked and looked, well, not so savory even though they tasted good. Dinner doesn't look like this every night, that's for darn sure. After a week of trying to make Ground Turkey, seven different ways, this was a sweet diversion.
You can tell I tried to make this dish look pretty, though, Anthony Bordain would probably have palmed the creamed spinach and flung it on my kitchen wall.
It would be so nice to have life handed to you on a clean, white plate, eh? You see everything before you, it looks good, tastes good...and then you go and do something stupid like an Insanity workout with Shaun T, an hour after you've consumed this lovely dish.
Lactose Intolerrrrraaaaaaannncccceeeeeeee!
This is what life is like, these days. I am trying to live life to the fullest and jam-pack my days with things I think I need to get done. There is no one to impress. I don't get a different colored belt for things I accomplish like my Special K does in Tae Kwon Do. I don't even get to sleep for 12 hours a night like our littlest, although I wish I did! Last night, after talking to Hubs for a little while, I stayed up in bed, laptop on lap, clicking away to see if our new home would pop up. Needless to say, at 1:30 in the morning, it didn't matter if it did, with my bleary-eyed self. In four months, for better or for worse, we will be living in a different city. The boxes will have been packed up and hopefully, a small child will not have been duct-taped to all the stuffed animals. We will be driving around, trying to figure out where on earth the grocery store is and how to get to the schools the kids will go to in the fall. We will be getting to know neighbors, reconnecting with old friends and trying to find our new church family while we are grieving the loss of the one we left behind. And I know, along the way, I will wonder if we made the right decision. I will ask myself, how did we leave the place that God brought us to, over seven years ago? Why did we leave the place where I labored and delivered all three of our precious kiddos? How do we leave the home that God so clearly marked out for us...where we set down 12 stones around our tree to remember that God brought us here?
This is what I will be reminded of: that the LORD moves us. He is for us and not against us. He has written our days. He will provide. I want to trust Him.
And the white plate with everything placed on it so perfectly? I don't think I mind so much the chipped, plaid plate that I painted, a long time ago, with chicken nuggets and potater-tots scattered all over it.
How is He asking you to trust Him today?
"Whom have I in have but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and heart my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Psalm 73:25-26
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Words Can Change Everything (pt. 1)
While Hubs & I were talking one night, two months ago, he told me something that would change the course of our lives. He told me he had been praying about an opportunity that would move us to Richmond. Richmond is a place we had talked about moving to in the future because there were things to do, great places to eat, it wasn't as fast-paced as the DC area (where we met), we had various sets of friends there that are a part of our journeys from single days and our days together. I did not know that the future was n.o.w.
Moving to a different city, only an hour away, isn't quite so earth shattering to most folks. But to me, that meant P.A.C.K.I.N.G. I think moving might be one of the bigger stressors in life, probably because there is so much tied to it. An interesting thought to have to pack up boxes only to have a certain 17-month-old take everything out, no? Kudos to you military families that always have to pick up and go! Growing up, I only moved a total of four times. I only remember having to pack and move, once. After being married, we've moved five times. This move will be our sixth.
Moving to a different city, only an hour away, isn't quite so earth shattering to most folks. But to me, that meant P.A.C.K.I.N.G. I think moving might be one of the bigger stressors in life, probably because there is so much tied to it. An interesting thought to have to pack up boxes only to have a certain 17-month-old take everything out, no? Kudos to you military families that always have to pick up and go! Growing up, I only moved a total of four times. I only remember having to pack and move, once. After being married, we've moved five times. This move will be our sixth.
What this meant for us was: having to sell our home that we are completely upside-down on; holding off from telling anyone until other parties involved were told first for Hubs' job sake; feeling isolated during a part of this journey that we would like to have had people walk with us; and trusting that God would show us exactly what He could do apart from what we knew we could not.
Basically, what I am telling you is these past couple of months, I have been CRAZY...in a calm way. Is that even possible?? I have never been told that I am discreet but inside I felt like I was going insane. I wonder if that has anything to do with my extroverted side.
The other side of what has been going on has been nothing short of miracles and God calming our fears, one after the other. In this housing market, I knew it might take a long time for our house to sell. We also knew that we were completely upside-down on our house. Go ahead, say that we. are. crazy. Now that you feel better after saying it I'm going to tell you the rest of the story.
First, Hubs & I met with our Mortgage Lender. He is an amazing, godly man who not only prayed with us but read from Psalm 30. He told us he knew God would lead us and this whole situation, even if it didn't seem logical that things would work out.
Second, we met with 'the Realtor'. She is someone who handfuls (quite literally) of peeps recommended to us. She had also been a part of some home sales that, clearly God had worked out. The first time we met (on February 7th - and you'll see why the dates are important as you read on), we found out we went to the same hairdresser, laughed and then I flung my full cup of coffee at her, from the kitchen counter. She not only dodged the coffee but she offered to clean it up! Poor girl. We scheduled to meet the following week, on Valentine's Day.
She came over, sat down with Hubs & me and we talked numbers. (Mind you, in prepping the house just for the first visit and knowing that it had to be done for the house to be on the market, let's just say that my sweet little family had no idea what OCD was until this happened!) Did I tell you that numbers make me nervous? They do. And when I look at facts, it makes me more nervous. We looked at the market analysis, decided on the sale price of our home and then 'the Realtor' told us this: "We have a meeting in our Realty Office to let all the Realtors know what is in process and what might be coming. I told them that there was a family interested in selling there home in your area. Another Realtor said she had a client looking for a house in the same area. Would you be interested in having her look at your house?" Are you catching this? She asked us if we'd be interested in having someone come look at our house before we put it on the market NEXT MONTH. Of course we gathered ourselves and said 'YES'! A couple hours later, 'the Realtor' called and asked if we'd be O.K. with the potential buyer coming to see the house TOMORROW. I realized at this point that getting the house spic-and-span and getting rid of all our clutter was never going to be a reality. The fact was, we had no idea what would happen so we needed to have the house as clean as we could get it. All you need to know is that we are still recovering things from our house that we have hidden in spots that I did not even know existed!
The next afternoon (the 15th), there was a cleaning frenzy and.......a poor little baby with diarrhea. Frenzy was not even the word at that point. We were taking off sheets, running the wash, lighting candles, spraying rooms down, a quick bathe for the littlest little and sweating bullets. Oh, and hiding things. All of the sudden I hear, "SHE'S HERE." And here was my response, "WHAT?? SHE'S EARLY. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? SHE CANNOT BE EARLY."
It was the person's Realtor. She kindly said she was early and would wait outside until her client arrived. We set the flowers on the table, took a final glance and headed out the door. This Realtor said her client was running a few minutes late but that they would definitely be out of the house in an hour, max. Sweet because we were going to run an errand and get dinner for the fam.
An hour and thirty minutes later, we drove up and saw that they were still in the house. Um, it simply doesn't take that long to see 1480 square feet. I was just hoping that they didn't get buried under all the things we hid after they opened one of the closets! So then, we became those people. We had parked six house away, trying to feed the three little birds the dinner we had picked up and trying not to spy on the Realtor and client walking out of our house. Of course Special K is standing up out of his seat, pointing and staring, asking who those people were coming out of our house.
They finally left, we scrambled to get in the house, get everyone fed and ready for bed. An hour after we came in, we got a phone call from 'the Realtor'. She said, "She wants to put an offer on the house on Saturday." Hubs was gracious and after he hung up, the four of us (minus sleeping baby) were jumping up and down, hugging, and I was bawling my eyes out on the floor. We knew that we would have to wait for the offer, the appraisal on our home and for all the money and papers to be squared away. That didn't stop us (me) from being hysterical and thanking God for how He has our backs.
The next four days seemed to take forever. Each few days seemed to bring another cold or sickness with a child. There were more doctor-visits, tylenol administered, vitamins issued and sleep necessary. We got a call on Saturday (19th) from 'the Realtor'. She came that afternoon when the kiddos were resting, to look over the offer. We'd have to take some time to think and pray if we should accept it. That night, Hubs & I knew what we thought we could handle. 'The Realtor' came over in the morning and we had a counter-offer. We waited for two days (22nd) for the response. This offer was a tough one but we know what we have and know that our God is the One that provides. We accepted on Wednesday, the 23rd. Today, the 24th, we JUST got an email for an apology for the delay but that the buyer will initial the papers later this afternoon!
A wise friend told me the other day, "Give the money graciously back to the LORD, Julie." Oh, if you only knew how wise those words really are, friend. As we wait, will you pray with us? Will you pray that the appraisal on our house would come in right where we need it to? Will you pray with us that on the other side of this, God would provide for and show us exactly where we need to live? We are praying for our future neighbors, community, the new campus that Hubs will be working with, schools for the kiddos and for our new church family. And we are saying to the LORD, "Where you go, I'll go - I will follow You."
We are thanking God that we won't have to be in OCD, cleaning-frenzy mode for the months to come. Also that we won't have to pick up and leave the house at any moment, with napping littles. It is bittersweet to leave the place that God called us to, 7 1/2 years ago. It is with sweet sorrow that we leave the place where we started our family with just the two of us and ended up with three beautiful kiddos.
The Goodbyes will have to wait until later. We're not ready yet. We have four more months to savor. Here is a part of a song I'm listening to right this very moment:
The other side of what has been going on has been nothing short of miracles and God calming our fears, one after the other. In this housing market, I knew it might take a long time for our house to sell. We also knew that we were completely upside-down on our house. Go ahead, say that we. are. crazy. Now that you feel better after saying it I'm going to tell you the rest of the story.
First, Hubs & I met with our Mortgage Lender. He is an amazing, godly man who not only prayed with us but read from Psalm 30. He told us he knew God would lead us and this whole situation, even if it didn't seem logical that things would work out.
Second, we met with 'the Realtor'. She is someone who handfuls (quite literally) of peeps recommended to us. She had also been a part of some home sales that, clearly God had worked out. The first time we met (on February 7th - and you'll see why the dates are important as you read on), we found out we went to the same hairdresser, laughed and then I flung my full cup of coffee at her, from the kitchen counter. She not only dodged the coffee but she offered to clean it up! Poor girl. We scheduled to meet the following week, on Valentine's Day.
She came over, sat down with Hubs & me and we talked numbers. (Mind you, in prepping the house just for the first visit and knowing that it had to be done for the house to be on the market, let's just say that my sweet little family had no idea what OCD was until this happened!) Did I tell you that numbers make me nervous? They do. And when I look at facts, it makes me more nervous. We looked at the market analysis, decided on the sale price of our home and then 'the Realtor' told us this: "We have a meeting in our Realty Office to let all the Realtors know what is in process and what might be coming. I told them that there was a family interested in selling there home in your area. Another Realtor said she had a client looking for a house in the same area. Would you be interested in having her look at your house?" Are you catching this? She asked us if we'd be interested in having someone come look at our house before we put it on the market NEXT MONTH. Of course we gathered ourselves and said 'YES'! A couple hours later, 'the Realtor' called and asked if we'd be O.K. with the potential buyer coming to see the house TOMORROW.
The next afternoon (the 15th), there was a cleaning frenzy and.......a poor little baby with diarrhea. Frenzy was not even the word at that point. We were taking off sheets, running the wash, lighting candles, spraying rooms down, a quick bathe for the littlest little and sweating bullets. Oh, and hiding things. All of the sudden I hear, "SHE'S HERE." And here was my response, "WHAT?? SHE'S EARLY. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? SHE CANNOT BE EARLY."
It was the person's Realtor. She kindly said she was early and would wait outside until her client arrived. We set the flowers on the table, took a final glance and headed out the door. This Realtor said her client was running a few minutes late but that they would definitely be out of the house in an hour, max. Sweet because we were going to run an errand and get dinner for the fam.
An hour and thirty minutes later, we drove up and saw that they were still in the house. Um, it simply doesn't take that long to see 1480 square feet. I was just hoping that they didn't get buried under all the things we hid after they opened one of the closets! So then, we became those people. We had parked six house away, trying to feed the three little birds the dinner we had picked up and trying not to spy on the Realtor and client walking out of our house. Of course Special K is standing up out of his seat, pointing and staring, asking who those people were coming out of our house.
They finally left, we scrambled to get in the house, get everyone fed and ready for bed. An hour after we came in, we got a phone call from 'the Realtor'. She said, "She wants to put an offer on the house on Saturday." Hubs was gracious and after he hung up, the four of us (minus sleeping baby) were jumping up and down, hugging, and I was bawling my eyes out on the floor. We knew that we would have to wait for the offer, the appraisal on our home and for all the money and papers to be squared away. That didn't stop us (me) from being hysterical and thanking God for how He has our backs.
The next four days seemed to take forever. Each few days seemed to bring another cold or sickness with a child. There were more doctor-visits, tylenol administered, vitamins issued and sleep necessary. We got a call on Saturday (19th) from 'the Realtor'. She came that afternoon when the kiddos were resting, to look over the offer. We'd have to take some time to think and pray if we should accept it. That night, Hubs & I knew what we thought we could handle. 'The Realtor' came over in the morning and we had a counter-offer. We waited for two days (22nd) for the response. This offer was a tough one but we know what we have and know that our God is the One that provides. We accepted on Wednesday, the 23rd. Today, the 24th, we JUST got an email for an apology for the delay but that the buyer will initial the papers later this afternoon!
A wise friend told me the other day, "Give the money graciously back to the LORD, Julie." Oh, if you only knew how wise those words really are, friend. As we wait, will you pray with us? Will you pray that the appraisal on our house would come in right where we need it to? Will you pray with us that on the other side of this, God would provide for and show us exactly where we need to live? We are praying for our future neighbors, community, the new campus that Hubs will be working with, schools for the kiddos and for our new church family. And we are saying to the LORD, "Where you go, I'll go - I will follow You."
We are thanking God that we won't have to be in OCD, cleaning-frenzy mode for the months to come. Also that we won't have to pick up and leave the house at any moment, with napping littles. It is bittersweet to leave the place that God called us to, 7 1/2 years ago. It is with sweet sorrow that we leave the place where we started our family with just the two of us and ended up with three beautiful kiddos.
The Goodbyes will have to wait until later. We're not ready yet. We have four more months to savor. Here is a part of a song I'm listening to right this very moment:
My Story by Addison Road
If this is my story, if this is my song
Then I want to be a part of something beautiful
If this is my journey, then show me your road
Wherever you lead me in this world I want to go
There’s just too many times I only think of me
‘Cause I get so consumed with my opportunities
When my last breath brings me to the feet of God
I want to hear him say I lived for his glory.
Friday, February 11, 2011
This Romance
When Hubs and I first started dating, we would have JUST seen each other and then we would get on the phone and talk while the other drove home from our date...for hours. I remember falling asleep on the phone and hearing him say, "You can go to bed. We'll talk later." And I would say, "I don't want to get off the phone. Let's keep talking." But now our nightly routine is me telling Hubs not to lie down on the couch or he'll fall asleep before his eyes are even closed. We crawl into bed from sheer exhaustion, kiss each other goodnight, turn over, rear-to-rear and fall asleep in about negative 15 seconds.
Instead of the leaving notes all over the house for one another, we send each other texts or emails throughout the day. Hugs and kisses are still alive and kicking but what we seek is to find time in our days and weeks to have true quality time. In the mornings we pray before we get out of bed so we're not bounding into the day like bulls. Sometimes that plan doesn't work because we realize we have woken up to three hungry birds little people who have not quite managed to understand self-control with their millions of emotions. Who am I kidding? That is ALL of us but two of us have had more time over the years to work on it!
In the past couple of years, we have had the privilege and honor to facilitate Pre-Marital Counseling for a few couples. We are going through a session with a great couple right now. We sit and go through a book, answer questions, eat dessert, pray and allow our marriage to be on open book for them. On one hand, it is sweet to recount how God orchestrated Hubs and my relationship. And on the other, it is flipping hard to talk about the times when we don't even want to look at each other. When our temptation is to coexist and only get the bare necessities of life done to scrape by, we wonder where the romance has gone. I can recall conversations where I will say to Hubs, "Why don't we do those things anymore? I need to be pursued and sought after. Will you do that again?"
I realize the ways Hubs pursues is by providing for me and our family. He prays, he fixes, he cooks, he takes the trash out, he washes dishes and cooks. He makes sure our budget is in order, he bathes the kiddos and reads books. We share a lot of responsibilities but how we pursue one another has shifted in this stage of our lives.
A misconception on my part is that I, inadvertently, wait for Hubs to pursue me. There are too many times that I complain in my heart that: I am too tired; I have cleaned the house; I need rest; I don't want to hear anymore whining; I have cooked three meals today; I deserve to get away. You owe me.
If all we ever did was romance each other and never went through the tough stuff or didn't choose to love each other daily, we would be standing on a foundation built on sand. I thank God that our marriage is built on Him. We know that there is nothing in our own power that will make our marriage work. If it was based on two very selfish people who seek out for themselves, what incentive would there be? When I am seeking out for my own interests and making sure that I have something to gain from this relationship, it isn't about love. It is about making myself feel comfortable, feeding my own pride and making sure that my Hubs' existence is about me and me only. Phew. That sounds gross, no?
In Sacred Marriage , Gary Thomas says, "I think most of us who have been married for any substantial length of time realize that the romantic roller coaster of courtship eventually evens out to the terrain of a Midwest interstate - long, flat stretches with an occasional overpass. When this happens, couples respond in different ways. Many will break up their relationship and try to recreate the passionate romance with someone else. Other couples will descend into a sort of marital guerilla warfare, a passive-aggressive power play as each partner blames the other for personal dissatisfaction or lack of excitement. Some couples decide to simply "get along." Still others may opt to pursue a deeper meaning, a spiritual truth hidden in the enforced intimacy of the marital situation." This passage leads me to the question of, which will you choose? -- A breakup in search to re-light the once passionate romance but with someone else? Or will it be the choice of "all's fair in love and war"? The most difficult choice, yes, is pursuing a deeper meaning and spiritual truth hidden in your marriage. The subtitle to this book is "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?"
My heart is not to paint this glib and unattractive picture of marriage but rather the picture of love. Romance is well and good and there is definitely a place for it. Every week, God-willing, Hubs and I have carved out a time for a date night. It's a time just for us, uninterrupted, sometimes to run errands, others to sit and talk over a meal and times where we share our time with good friends. In the end, it is quality time where we are intentionally pursuing each other in the best way possible for that moment.
A few weeks ago, my Husband's romantic gesture was to send me away for my Girl's Weekend Getaway. I went away to rest, recharge and come back better. Many mornings, my man brings me a cup of coffee while I'm still in bed. The other day, we had a more heated battle than the Iron Chef's in Kitchen Stadium. But what I saw in a moment of us "going to our corners" was a man with his hand on my pillow on our bed, praying for me, for us and for this sacred romance.
This Valentine's Day, when we wonder who will bring us chocolates, a Hallmark card and a dozen roses, ask yourself what this day was created for. Truly, do you need a card company to tell you that on this day you should be loved and romanced by things that will end up in the trash?
The marriage that you're in, the marriage that you're hoping for or the marriage that you've even ended, God can redeem. His love is pure, without expectation, unadulterated and true. The love you have to give is a choice you make, daily.
Hubs, by-the-way, thank you for bringing home the two McD's Apple Pies, last night, so we could share some time together.
What kind of romance are you waiting for?
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