Little Hands

I'm weeping right now in being reminded how little these hands are that I hold today.  This pair of 7-year-old hands that feel like big puppy paws in mine.  He lets me hold his hand when we walk to the 1st grade or when I walk him home.  These little 4-year-old hands that I hold to spin around and the hand that I hold when I walk her to Preschool.  And these sweet 2-year-old hands that want to do everything by himself but will hold them up and say "carry, please?"  I can't cling to this life but somehow, I just want to stop the hands on the clock because it is just happening too fast.
I think about the 'inconvenience' of having to do the laundry one more time because someone peed in their pajamas.  I find myself 'demanding' I not get interrupted when I am on the phone or when I'm in a conversation...one more time.  I think about what is on my agenda and my list of to-do's but then, a little person falls down the steps and needs me to hold him and wipe away the tears.  We're already running late for school and she says, "Mama, I have to go poop."
A couple months ago, I found a cute idea from some smart mommy to have the kiddos color craft sticks (you know, those tongue depressor thingies).  Later, we thought of all the people in our lives we could be praying for each evening at dinner and wrote their names on the sticks.  It is so neat to see how excited all three littles are to be the one to close their eyes and pick the name/family that we will pray for that night.
Tonight after dinner, my Special K came up to me and pulled three craft sticks out of his pocket.  They were colored and he said, "Mom, I have something to show you."  "What is it, sweet boy?"  He says, "One is for when I need to pray to God that He would change my heart.  The second one is for when I need to listen to Mommy and Daddy and obey you.  The third one is to Love."
WORD!  We have been talking and praying, day after day and night after night about him having a listening heart.  I have had more than one conversation with him about how God chose us to be his parents and that we are responsible for him, to take care of him, to teach him and to love on him.
Just when it feels like you want to yell, "Do you hear the words coming out of my mouth?!", a dear sweet child that I bore seven years, through 2 days of painful, crawling on the floor contractions and then 17 hours of labor tells me about God needing to change his heart, that he needs to listen to Mommy and Daddy and to LOVE.  Yipee!
Before tomorrow happens and he forgets about the sticks and the Love, I just want to remember this moment.  This moment  I cherish what the LORD is doing in my son's heart.  I want to remember my daughter, waking up screaming because she has to go potty Afterwards, me putting her back to bed, getting to hold and rock her like I did, almost five years ago.  Today, I'm going to remember the little hands that were held up to me with a tiny voice that said, "hold my hand, Mommy" and carried a soccer ball and a teddy bear everywhere he went.

"My son (my daughter), pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words.  Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body.  Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:20-23

'Til the End

It has been a long time.  I have not written in seven months.  I have missed writing and sharing.  Life has been happening and let's just say that packing boxes and moving is not my forte.  But we're settled now and I am so thankful for where we have been and where the LORD has brought us.
A sweet friend asked me to contribute to her blog site about my faith and how friendship has played a part in it.  Friends have encouraged me and helped to strengthen my faith for as long as I can remember.  


Here is what I shared:  


"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”  John 15:12-13

I know that I will never be capable to love as Jesus has loved me.  And to know that there is no greater love than to lay my life down for a friend?  Inconceivable.  I have gone ten rounds in my head, thinking about all the wonderful friendships that God has blessed me with in my, ahem, 30-some odd years on this earth.

He gently pursued me over ten years ago.  I put up my hand and gently said No.  Over the next couple of months to follow, I thought about it some more and reconsidered the gesture.  So, this friend and I gave it another try.  He was an absolute gentleman, taking me out on a nice date.  What I remember is thinking I just wanted to run into the house and tell my roomates what a bad idea this was.  And I did. It didn’t go over so well so we parted ways.  We had been friends the two years, prior, so it was a little strange to have a different sentiment on our friendship.  In fact, it changed everything...

You can read the rest at a fancy little blog by my friend Aimee, called:  www.fancylittlethings.com

Streams of Conciousness

Every time I sit down to collect my thoughts and maybe even start a blogpost, I freeze and the thoughts don't come together.  I have so much on my mind that I do not even know where to begin.
I am feeling pretty helpless, too, that there is this natural disaster and human tragedy happening across the world.  So I sit, I pray, we share with our kiddos how we can pray for the people in Japan.  We talk about what it means to be in need.  We also talk about what clean water is and how people all over the world do not have clean water to drink.  And tonight, when I think that a certain 4-year-old girl in our home doesn't listen to a word we say...before bed, she prayed for clean water for the people of Haiti.  My heart broke all over again.  Thank You God that you know what our hearts should pray and that you would lead us to help in any way that we can.
This post is my streams-of-conciousness post.  Bear with me.  My head has been reeling in the details of our home selling, God tweaking our path.  We are trusting that His plans are higher than ours. 
The 10K that Hubs & I are running in is in 20 days.  Mercy.  We did run 4.2 miles this past Sunday.  I was darn proud that we did but to top it all off, Special K biked the WHOLE trail.  There was not even one complaint.  And, he stopped at every crosswalk, even if he was ahead of us and he would wait for us to get there.  C'mon, it wasn't like we were sweating, panting and praying we'd be able to crawl up the one of two hills we ran up!  LOL.
Between doctor visits for the kiddos, sneaking in runs, saying Goodbye to dear friends that are moving away, holding our littles in the middle-of-the-night because they cannot sleep and wondering where we will be living in less than 4 months, here is what softens the blows.  You know, in teeny-tiny, ever-loving spoonfuls:

Mmmm...

 

 

 

Don't you want to know what it is?  

You bet your buns, Ray.  Haagen Dazs - Java Chip

In our house, we are looking forward to Spring.  Bring on the sunshine.  Please.  I have felt like one big, smushy snot rag all winter and we are ready to dry out in the gorgeous brightness and warmth of the sunlight! 
In the meantime, here is what occupies the younger two on days inside:

Isn't this box spectacular?

 

"Don't I look fantastic in this hat?"  "Hmmm, I wonder when we're having lunch!"

"Oh, and another thing..."  "I guess I'll have to tide myself over with this milk...sigh."

 

A Chipped Plate

Broiled Haddock with a Ginger Soy Glaze and Garlic Creamed Spinach

This was dinner last night.  It was so delish!  It was a joint effort by Hubs & me.  He even made mini potato croquettes...yum!  But those were a tad overcooked and looked, well, not so savory even though they tasted good.  Dinner doesn't look like this every night, that's for darn sure.  After a week of trying to make Ground Turkey, seven different ways, this was a sweet diversion.
You can tell I tried to make this dish look pretty, though, Anthony Bordain would probably have palmed the creamed spinach and flung it on my kitchen wall.
It would be so nice to have life handed to you on a clean, white plate, eh?  You see everything before you, it looks good, tastes good...and then you go and do something stupid like an Insanity workout with Shaun T, an hour after you've consumed this lovely dish.    

Lactose Intolerrrrraaaaaaannncccceeeeeeee!           

This is what life is like, these days.  I am trying to live life to the fullest and jam-pack my days with things I think I need to get done.  There is no one to impress.  I don't get a different colored belt for things I accomplish like my Special K does in Tae Kwon Do.  I don't even get to sleep for 12 hours a night like our littlest, although I wish I did!  Last night, after talking to Hubs for a little while, I stayed up in bed, laptop on lap, clicking away to see if our new home would pop up.  Needless to say, at 1:30 in the morning, it didn't matter if it did, with my bleary-eyed self.  
In four months, for better or for worse, we will be living in a different city.  The boxes will have been packed up and hopefully, a small child will not have been duct-taped to all the stuffed animals.  We will be driving around, trying to figure out where on earth the grocery store is and how to get to the schools the kids will go to in the fall.  We will be getting to know neighbors, reconnecting with old friends and trying to find our new church family while we are grieving the loss of the one we left behind.  And I know, along the way, I will wonder if we made the right decision.  I will ask myself, how did we leave the place that God brought us to, over seven years ago?  Why did we leave the place where I labored and delivered all three of our precious kiddos?  How do we leave the home that God so clearly marked out for us...where we set down 12 stones around our tree to remember that God brought us here?
This is what I will be reminded of:  that the LORD moves us.  He is for us and not against us.  He has written our days.  He will provide.  I want to trust Him.
And the white plate with everything placed on it so perfectly?  I don't think I mind so much the chipped, plaid plate that I painted, a long time ago, with chicken nuggets and potater-tots scattered all over it.  

How is He asking you to trust Him today?

"Whom have I in have but you?  

And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

My flesh and heart my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." 

Psalm 73:25-26 

Words Can Change Everything (pt. 1)

While Hubs & I were talking one night, two months ago,  he told me something that would change the course of our lives.  He told me he had been praying about an opportunity that would move us to Richmond.  Richmond is a place we had talked about moving to in the future because there were things to do, great places to eat, it wasn't as fast-paced as the DC area (where we met), we had various sets of friends there that are a part of our journeys from single days and our days together.  I did not know that the future was n.o.w.
Moving to a different city, only an hour away, isn't quite so earth shattering to most folks.  But to me, that meant P.A.C.K.I.N.G.  I think moving might be one of the bigger stressors in life, probably because there is so much tied to it.  An interesting thought to have to pack up boxes only to have a certain 17-month-old take everything out, no?  Kudos to you military families that always have to pick up and go!  Growing up, I only moved a total of four times.  I only remember having to pack and move, once.  After being married, we've moved five times.  This move will be our sixth.  

What this meant for us was: having to sell our home that we are completely upside-down on; holding off from telling anyone until other parties involved were told first for Hubs' job sake; feeling isolated during a part of this journey that we would like to have had people walk with us; and trusting that God would show us exactly what He could do apart from what we knew we could not.

Basically, what I am telling you is these past couple of months, I have been CRAZY...in a calm way.  Is that even possible??  I have never been told that I am discreet but inside I felt like I was going insane.  I wonder if that has anything to do with my extroverted side.
The other side of what has been going on has been nothing short of miracles and God calming our fears, one after the other.  In this housing market, I knew it might take a long time for our house to sell.  We also knew that we were completely upside-down on our house.  Go ahead, say that we. are. crazy.  Now that you feel better after saying it I'm going to tell you the rest of the story.
First, Hubs & I met with our Mortgage Lender.  He is an amazing, godly man who not only prayed with us but read from Psalm 30.  He told us he knew God would lead us and this whole situation, even if it didn't seem logical that things would work out.  
Second, we met with 'the Realtor'.  She is someone who handfuls (quite literally) of peeps recommended to us.  She had also been a part of some home sales that, clearly God had worked out.  The first time we met (on February 7th - and you'll see why the dates are important as you read on), we found out we went to the same hairdresser, laughed and then I flung my full cup of coffee at her, from the kitchen counter.  She not only dodged the coffee but she offered to clean it up!  Poor girl.  We scheduled to meet the following week, on Valentine's Day.  
She came over, sat down with Hubs & me and we talked numbers.  (Mind you, in prepping the house just for the first visit and knowing that it had to be done for the house to be on the market, let's just say that my sweet little family had no idea what OCD was until this happened!)  Did I tell you that numbers make me nervous?  They do.  And when I look at facts, it makes me more nervous.  We looked at the market analysis, decided on the sale price of our home and then 'the Realtor' told us this:  "We have a meeting in our Realty Office to let all the Realtors know what is in process and what might be coming.  I told them that there was a family interested in selling there home in your area.  Another Realtor said she had a client looking for a house in the same area.  Would you be interested in having her look at your house?"  Are you catching this?  She asked us if we'd be interested in having someone come look at our house before we put it on the market NEXT MONTH.  Of course we gathered ourselves and said 'YES'!  A couple hours later, 'the Realtor' called and asked if we'd be O.K. with the potential buyer coming to see the house TOMORROW.    I realized at this point that getting the house spic-and-span and getting rid of all our clutter was never going to be a reality.  The fact was, we had no idea what would happen so we needed to have the house as clean as we could get it.  All you need to know is that we are still recovering things from our house that we have hidden in spots that I did not even know existed!
The next afternoon (the 15th), there was a cleaning frenzy and.......a poor little baby with diarrhea.  Frenzy was not even the word at that point.  We were taking off sheets, running the wash, lighting candles, spraying rooms down,  a quick bathe for the littlest little and sweating bullets.  Oh, and hiding things.  All of the sudden I hear, "SHE'S HERE."  And here was my response, "WHAT??  SHE'S EARLY.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  SHE CANNOT BE EARLY."  
It was the person's Realtor.  She kindly said she was early and would wait outside until her client arrived.  We set the flowers on the table, took a final glance and headed out the door.  This Realtor said her client was running a few minutes late but that they would definitely be out of the house in an hour, max.  Sweet because we were going to run an errand and get dinner for the fam.
An hour and thirty minutes later, we drove up and saw that they were still in the house.  Um, it simply doesn't take that long to see 1480 square feet.  I was just hoping that they didn't get buried under all the things we hid after they opened one of the closets!  So then, we became those people.  We had parked six house away, trying to feed the three little birds the dinner we had picked up and trying not to spy on the Realtor and client walking out of our house.  Of course Special K is standing up out of his seat, pointing and staring, asking who those people were coming out of our house.  
They finally left, we scrambled to get in the house, get everyone fed and ready for bed.  An hour after we came in, we got a phone call from 'the Realtor'.  She said, "She wants to put an offer on the house on Saturday."  Hubs was gracious and after he hung up, the four of us (minus sleeping baby) were jumping up and down, hugging, and I was bawling my eyes out on the floor.  We knew that we would have to wait for the offer, the appraisal on our home and for all the money and papers to be squared away.  That didn't stop us (me) from being hysterical and thanking God for how He has our backs.  
The next four days seemed to take forever.  Each few days seemed to bring another cold or sickness with a child.  There were more doctor-visits, tylenol administered, vitamins issued and sleep necessary.  We got a call on Saturday (19th) from 'the Realtor'.  She came that afternoon when the kiddos were resting, to look over the offer.  We'd have to take some time to think and pray if we should accept it.  That night, Hubs & I knew what we thought we could handle.  'The Realtor' came over in the morning and we had a counter-offer.  We waited for two days (22nd) for the response.  This offer was a tough one but we know what we have and know that our God is the One that provides.  We accepted on Wednesday, the 23rd.  Today, the 24th, we JUST got an email for an apology for the delay but that the buyer will initial the papers later this afternoon!
A wise friend told me the other day, "Give the money graciously back to the LORD, Julie."  Oh, if you only knew how wise those words really are, friend.  As we wait, will you pray with us?  Will you pray that the appraisal on our house would come in right where we need it to?  Will you pray with us that on the other side of this, God would provide for and show us exactly where we need to live?  We are praying for our future neighbors, community, the new campus that Hubs will be working with, schools for the kiddos and for our new church family.  And we are saying to the LORD, "Where you go, I'll go - I will follow You."
We are thanking God that we won't have to be in OCD, cleaning-frenzy mode for the months to come.  Also that we won't have to pick up and leave the house at any moment, with napping littles.  It is bittersweet to leave the place that God called us to, 7 1/2 years ago.  It is with sweet sorrow that we leave the place where we started our family with just the two of us and ended up with three beautiful kiddos.  
The Goodbyes will have to wait until later.  We're not ready yet.  We have four more months to savor.  Here is a part of a song I'm listening to right this very moment:

My Story by Addison Road

If this is my story, if this is my song

Then I want to be a part of something beautiful

If this is my journey, then show me your road

Wherever you lead me in this world I want to go

There’s just too many times I only think of me

‘Cause I get so consumed with my opportunities

When my last breath brings me to the feet of God

I want to hear him say I lived for his glory.

This Romance

You can take the romance out of marriage but marriage cannot survive just from a romance.  That isn't a very romantic statement, eh?  What I mean by this is that over the years, the very things that we did when we were falling in love doesn't necessarily happen now.  It doesn't look the same.   

When Hubs and I first started dating, we would have JUST seen each other and then we would get on the phone and talk while the other drove home from our date...for hours.  I remember falling asleep on the phone and hearing him say, "You can go to bed.  We'll talk later."  And I would say, "I don't want to get off the phone.  Let's keep talking."  But now our nightly routine is me telling Hubs not to lie down on the couch or he'll fall asleep before his eyes are even closed.  We crawl into bed from sheer exhaustion, kiss each other goodnight, turn over, rear-to-rear and fall asleep in about negative 15 seconds.

Instead of the leaving notes all over the house for one another, we send each other texts or emails throughout the day.  Hugs and kisses are still alive and kicking but what we seek is to find time in our days and weeks to have true quality time.  In the mornings we pray before we get out of bed so we're not bounding into the day like bulls.  Sometimes that plan doesn't work because we realize we have woken up to three hungry birds little people who have not quite managed to understand self-control with their millions of emotions.  Who am I kidding?  That is ALL of us but two of us have had more time over the years to work on it! 

In the past couple of years, we have had the privilege and honor to facilitate Pre-Marital Counseling for a few couples.  We are going through a session with a great couple right now.  We sit and go through a book, answer questions, eat dessert, pray and allow our marriage to be on open book for them.  On one hand, it is sweet to recount how God orchestrated Hubs and my relationship.  And on the other, it is flipping hard to talk about the times when we don't even want to look at each other.  When our temptation is to coexist and only get the bare necessities of life done to scrape by, we wonder where the romance has gone.  I can recall conversations where I will say to Hubs, "Why don't we do those things anymore?  I need to be pursued and sought after.  Will you do that again?"  

I realize the ways Hubs pursues is by providing for me and our family.  He prays, he fixes, he cooks, he takes the trash out, he washes dishes and cooks.  He makes sure our budget is in order, he bathes the kiddos and reads books.  We share a lot of responsibilities but how we pursue one another has shifted in this stage of our lives.

A misconception on my part is that I, inadvertently, wait for Hubs to pursue me.  There are too many times that I complain in my heart that:  I am too tired; I have cleaned the house; I need rest; I don't want to hear anymore whining; I have cooked three meals today; I deserve to get away.  You owe me.  

If all we ever did was romance each other and never went through the tough stuff or didn't choose to love each other daily, we would be standing on a foundation built on sand.  I thank God that our marriage is built on Him.  We know that there is nothing in our own power that will make our marriage work.  If it was based on two very selfish people who seek out for themselves, what incentive would there be?  When I am seeking out for my own interests and making sure that I have something to gain from this relationship, it isn't about love.  It is about making myself feel comfortable, feeding my own pride and making sure that my Hubs' existence is about me and me only.  Phew.  That sounds gross, no?

In Sacred Marriage , Gary Thomas says, "I think most of us who have been married for any substantial length of time realize that the romantic roller coaster of courtship eventually evens out to the terrain of a Midwest interstate - long, flat stretches with an occasional overpass.  When this happens, couples respond in different ways.  Many will break up their relationship and try to recreate the passionate romance with someone else.  Other couples will descend into a sort of marital guerilla warfare, a passive-aggressive power play as each partner blames the other for personal dissatisfaction or lack of excitement.  Some couples decide to simply "get along."  Still others may opt to pursue a deeper meaning, a spiritual truth hidden in the enforced intimacy of the marital situation."  This passage leads me to the question of, which will you choose? -- A breakup in search to re-light the once passionate romance but with someone else?  Or will it be the choice of "all's fair in love and war"?  The most difficult choice, yes, is pursuing a deeper meaning and spiritual truth hidden in your marriage.  The subtitle to this book is "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?"

My heart is not to paint this glib and unattractive picture of marriage but rather the picture of love.  Romance is well and good and there is definitely a place for it.  Every week, God-willing,  Hubs and I have carved out a time for a date night.  It's a time just for us, uninterrupted, sometimes to run errands, others to sit and talk over a meal and times where we share our time with good friends.  In the end, it is quality time where we are intentionally pursuing each other in the best way possible for that moment.

A few weeks ago, my Husband's romantic gesture was to send me away for my Girl's Weekend Getaway.  I went away to rest, recharge and come back better.  Many mornings, my man brings me a cup of coffee while I'm still in bed.  The other day, we had a more heated battle than the Iron Chef's in Kitchen Stadium.  But what I saw in a moment of us "going to our corners" was a man with his hand on my pillow on our bed, praying for me, for us and for this sacred romance.  

This Valentine's Day, when we wonder who will bring us chocolates, a Hallmark card and a dozen roses, ask yourself what this day was created for.  Truly, do you need a card company to tell you that on this day you should be loved and romanced by things that will end up in the trash?

The marriage that you're in, the marriage that you're hoping for or the marriage that you've even ended, God can redeem.  His love is pure, without expectation, unadulterated and true.  The love you have to give is a choice you make, daily.

Hubs, by-the-way, thank you for bringing home the two McD's Apple Pies, last night, so we could share some time together.

What kind of romance are you waiting for?

Beauty Bands

When I was 15, I constantly wondered what other people were thinking of me.  I was in the 10th grade, traipsing the halls of my High School, insecure, fixing my hair, hanging out with my tight group of friends, slipping notes into my friends' lockers and barely concerned about turning a page in my Geometry book.  At home, I would spend my time planning an outfit for the next day and in the morning I would meticulously spend time with a curling iron, carefully placing each strand of curled hair down to look...perfect.
At 25, I was out-of-college with a degree in hand on the wall and living with 3 girlfriends and a very large cat affectionately know as "Brutus".  I was actually working at a job I loved, staying up late, almost every night and yapping with friends about the "plight" of singlehood.  At that time, I was on this crazy-fad workout regime, getting up at 6AM most days, working out six-days-a-week.  I was eating eggwhite scrambled eggs with peppers and onions almost every morning and feeling like I was in the best shape of my life.  But I was still struggling with what stared back at me in the mirror.
A few Eleven years, one Hubs, five dwellings, three kiddos, stretchmarks a few beauty bands, one 10K, one 5K and two dark circles under my eyes later, I'm still not satisfied with what I see.  This week Hubs and I started training for our April 2 - 10K.  It's the same one I've run before.  The race is flat (Thank God!), it's good fun with bands playing along the way and crazy people dressed in outfits like the dude that was dressed like Indiana Jones carrying a boulder behind him the last time I ran.  When we trained for that first race, every time we would go out to the 4-mile-trail with Special K and little G in the jogging stroller, I would look at Hubs and say, "I can't do this.  I'm not a runner."  He'd look back at me and say, "Yes you can.  I'm doing this with you."  "Easy for you to say", I'd say under my breath.  At the time, even after 17-20 hour labor and deliveries of 2 little babies, I felt little confidence in pounding the pavement.  What was I doing this for?
What I have realized over the years is that people love to torture their bodies I do better having specific goals placed before me rather than saying, "Oh, that muffin top has go to go.  I need to lose 5,10, 20lbs."  What stares back at me in the mirror is a wrong perception.  God did not make a mistake.  I say that I believe God in and through all things.  Welp, He says He made me in His image.  He also says that we should take care of our bodies, we shouldn't be gluttons and we are able.  
So, this week, I have done three Insanity workouts.  Today, my calves and triceps feel like someone is pelting snowballs at them, everytime I walk.  Nice, huh?  I am eating well and have a sweet here and there but I am thankful to not be obsessed.  I am thankful that God has brought me to a place where I can see most things in moderation.  If I do anything obsessively, something or someone gets cheated.
This morning I woke up and said, "Babe, I am not working out today.  I've got an old body."  He laughs but I know that this is a good place to be.  If you see me on the Parkway, keeled over on the side of the road waving you down to drive me home, please do me a favor and keep driving (unless you see me down for the count!).  I'll make it.  See you at the race.

Where Have I Been?

Where have you been, you ask?  The whole month of January went out like a blur but it also seemed to take forever to get to February!  Do you ever feel like that?  The beginning of 2011 was filled with bad weather closing school and 'not-so-much-bad-weather-but-they-decide-to-close-the-whole-county-down' days.  It was Hubs being out-of-town for 5 days and craziness in our home.  January was celebrating my sweet little girl's 4 years in this world.  It was also looking forward to time for a Girls' Weekend to Florida with girlfriends that I am humbled and proud to know.  

January was also a month of kids tossing their cookies and hoping and praying that the next person would be spared from the travesty of it all.  I left for the Girls' Weekend with little G sick then to find out that Special K came home early that Friday with the same bug.  I spent the weekend with a fever and chills.  We still managed to have a great time catching up, laughing and crying together.

I'm sitting here, writhing in pain from the torture of a Shaun T workout.  If you don't know who he is, check out the Insanity DVDs.  The name explains it all.  The torture is to get ready for a 10K that Hubs and I are running in April.  We've done this one before.  Hubs ran it twice.  I managed to be preggers for the second one Hub's ran not knowing baby #3 was in the belly when we both signed up.  It is awesome to have goals here and there.  But sometimes getting there is some serious work, pain, effort and in the end, triumph.  I'll give you check-in's to let you know where I'm at.  

My mind is swimming with the details of life.  If you can imagine that I would love to just have a day with no one in the house...just me, some music and a scrub brush to clean the house from top to bottom.  Yeah, I'm living life on the edge!  I've got my planner open, books on the table and amazingly, a quiet house with Hubs at work, 2/3 kiddos did not have school for "impending weather" and one little that repeated "Ni-night?  Ni-night?" with his thumb in his mouth after lunch.  *Smile*

Life is hard and I always feel like I'm playing catch-up or catching nothing at all.  The daily grind, little people circling around me like hawks for their prey (in love people, in love!), the dishes mounting in the sink, the laundry spilling over from the basket and precious peeps in our lives that are really sick.  Yet my heart has been reminded, literally every moment, for the last 4 weeks that:  "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning: great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, "the LORD is my portion; therefore, I will wait for Him."  Lamentations 3:22-24

I have been hanging onto the promise that I don't have to be consumed by anything.  The LORD is compassionate and He is my portion in this life.  He is faithful, just and gives the peace that surpasses my puny little mind.  Thanks God, that I can live this life abundantly here on this earth but also look forward to a forever life with you.  I'm just praying I make every moment you give, count.  

January in Pictures

Blowing bubbles at the Beach

Laughter in between stop lights 

Little G having a lunch date with Mama

Date Morning with Special K

Lovin from the Hubs

Mommy-Guilt meets R&R

I'm leaving...on a jet plane.  And in this case, I know when I'll be back, again.


Tomorrow morning, I leave for Florida to meet up with 6 girlfriends for a weekend getaway!  I have not gotten away by myself and gone so far and for this long except for an annual Women's weekend retreat every Spring for the last several years.  I'll meet a friend at the airport and then all 7 of us will meet in Florida.  WOOT!
Naturally, as I've been looking forward to this weekend for months, last night, our little girl kept waking up, crying her eyes out.  Early this morning, she has a fever and I was scheduled to take her to her yearly well-visit.  Yeah, not so well.  Poor thing was floppy, extra cranky and bleary-eyed.  They cancelled her vaccinations because of a slight fever.  I asked Dr. B if, with this flu, if she would vomit or 'the other thing' (C'mon people, this is a family-friendly blog).  She says, "No, she will have a fever, some aches and chills.  Just make sure to give her plenty of fluids and we'll give you a prescription."  So, as we were waiting for her to come back, I hear the dreaded, "Hwah, hwah."  Yup, she sure did vomit all over the examining table.  Sweet little girl was so taken aback and upset.  
I also got a prescrip for the littlest-little, as a precaution.  I asked, just to be certain that it was O.K. for me to still travel.  She said of course and that I just need to wash my hands well and often.  (Not that anyone has EVER called me a germ-phobe, or anything!)  
For a split-second, I was thinking of the irony of Noodle to get sick before I left.  Then, that was overcome with the reality that this is life, not irony.  It's January, peeps get sick, whether I'm going on a trip or not.  Of course I'm praying that the rest of my family stays well and that I don't start tossing cookies while I'm gone.  Hubs told me there was not a chance that I would cancel this the trip!  Thank God for a good, loving and understanding man.  He will hold down the fort and take care of the kiddos.  
I felt a little bit of that 'Mom-guilt' about leaving before the girlie got sick but now it's settling in, quite nicely.  But I know that I need this trip, as much for my family, as for me.  I want to be better for them.  I'd like to get some R&R to come back refreshed for this crazy-amazing family that I have.  
The girlfriends I'll be chatting into the wee-small hours with, sipping wine with, enjoying delicious meals with, are full of joy and Spirit.  I'm so thankful that I have friends in my life that encourage, support and would rally if need be.  I need this - you need this - in your life.  I love that space and time have not taken away from us being able to speak life into each other.  I love that I can look forward to this time to laugh, cry because we're laughing so hard and to enjoy each other's company.  And let's face it.  I get to have adult conversation for a whopping 60+ hours, give or take a few for catching some Zzzzzz's.
So Florida, here we come!  Put out some sunshine and warm breezes for us.  And loves of my life, my heart is never so far away.  We girls will be driving around the Sunshine state in a rented minivan, just to remind me where my heart will always be.

On Becoming a Gentleman

"Mom, can we go on a date?  When are we going on our date?"  This is what I hear for months-on-end after we come back from our Annual Family Beach Trip.  So today, on a day off from school, Special K and I went out to have breakfast.
I came down the stairs and found him brushing his hair with one of those baby hairbrushes.  I have no idea where he found it.  I laughed so hard because it was like he was getting ready for me.  He was already dressed and really excited to get out of the house.  
We got to our destination and he opened and held the door for me.  I asked him if he wanted a muffin and chocolate milk because I know those are some of his favorites.  K found a table for us and asked if it was O.K.  We held hands and prayed.  We talked about school and what he was learning.  He looked out at the cars in the parking lot and asked what license plates were.  On and on until we were done.  We laughed and smiled at each other.  These times seem few and far between these days and I know we need to make more time for this.
As we were leaving, I asked him to clear away the plate and trash and gave him specific instruction on where to put the silverware, trash and plate.  He did exactly what I told him.  He came back and I held up his coat and then asked him to hold mine up for me.  As we were walking out, he held the door open again and at the car I stopped and gave him a hug and my cheek to him to give me a kiss.  We got in the car and he says, "Mom, when can we go out again?  Can we go to McDonald's, next time?"  I chuckled because McDonald's breakfast seemed good to me when I was Six but not Thirty Six!  I told him that Daddy and I sometimes take turns planning dates and that maybe he could do that.  He asks, "McDonald's or Chick-Fil-A?"  He mentioned the playgrounds and the food.  Laughing, I told him that it's nice when you plan a date around things that the other person likes.  Special K says, "I don't know what you like!"  I started listing off things that I liked and told him to ask Daddy what might be a good idea for next time.
I felt such a joy in going on a Date-morning with Special K.  We got some time together and I see what it means to teach my boy on becoming a gentleman.  He definitely learns it from his Daddy but these moments are special between the two of us.  He is learning what it means to put the other person first, to be kind, to listen, to share, to be gentle and to know what quality time is.  
In these times, I want my boy to know what it means to care and to be a friend.  So many days are filled with directives, commands and training.  When we can go out, one-on-one and put those life lessons in motion, I am thankful that my son is getting it.  And I get to see what an amazing boy the LORD is growing him up to be.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control."  Galatians 5:22-23

These characteristics are not relative.  I know that they don't come naturally and I need to pray for this and learn them in my own life.  I want the Spirit to be growing this in me, my Hubs and our three littles.  Even if, the next time, it has to be at McDonald's.  ;)

A Pumpkin Muffin for my little man.

A coffee for Mama.
(Photographer: Special K)

Some precious time together.

What character have you been learning from someone, recently?

Three Little Birds

                      

I have been pecked alive by three little birds for the past five days.  Hubs was out-of-town for a conference and I think someone may have laced my littles' cereal with Red Dye #42.  The running monologue in my home, by yours truly was, "Holy Toledo", "Are you kidding me?", "Do you understand?" and my all-time fave, "No begging, whining or unkindness."

I hope you'll understand that this post is part-venting, part-comic relief and part- joy that Hubs is home.  Though, this week was like we were in the Twilight Zone.  I realize that we have our bad days but this was re-donk-u-lous.  Yes, I just used that term because there is no other way to describe it.  

Special K found no other way but to ask me question after question of when the next meal was, if anyone was coming over and if he could play the Wii.  Mind you, this is a daily occurrence in our house.  But these last several days were tainted with a whine that I had never witnessed in such succession.  As of last night I wanted to shoot our Wii in the middle of the console and watch it explode into a million little pieces.  

Noodle-girl fell limp on the floor in a dead-weight tantrum right before my parents left this afternoon.  They came to celebrate her birthday, which is tomorrow.  And she decided she would test me in front of them to show what a special Mommy I was.  

Littlest-little has taken signing "Please" to a whole new level.  He paces the house, banging his chest saying, "Peas (please), mo (more), mo, peas, peas, peas, peas."  His belly is a bottomless pit as he ravages anything in site.  Our plastic play food has nothing on him.

I am thrilled that Hubs is asleep, next to me in bed while I sit and write.  A complete antithesis of last night.  Twenty four hours ago, exactly, I was standing hostage in our downstairs bathroom, paralyzed in fear.  I was getting ready for bed with Hubs on the line.  All of the sudden, there were three loud bangs on our front door.  I could feel all the blood in my body rush down to my toes as I stood still.  Who the heck knocks on your door at 11:40 at night, let alone bang on it?  No Hubs, three little kiddos, me - stuck in the bathroom.  No fear, we prayed and then I made Hubs call the Non-Emergency Police line.  He told them the situation and they said they would patrol the area and call me back.  Thirty minutes later, mind you, a very nice policeman told me he was sorry to have called so late but had something else come up.  You mean to tell me that a crazed Mama feeling threatened by vicious banging on the door late at night is not warrant for arrest??  I did finally exit the bathroom after I came to my senses before I got his call.

That nice cop did tell me that he saw a couple kids riding their bikes in the neighborhood and asked them if they saw anyone.  Um, hey brilliant parents of those kids:  did you know they were riding their bikes outside in the freezing cold a little before midnight?!

What is my point to this story, you ask?  I. Don't. Know.  I just thought I might share that I am loonier than I began, at this thing called motherhood.  I am more tired tonight than I was last night, at 1AM, praying that God would protect my precious littles and hoping that the Maglite on the floor would be sufficient to fend off any crazies that wanted to break in.  And Mama is a little stronger today for being given the opportunity to be pecked-to-death by some really darn cute younglings.

Eight Days

Three days before Christmas, my family was gifted time at the beach in a phenomenal house...again.  Twice in one year from a family that blesses us beyond reason.  After our 4-city tour through VA/DC in 8 days, receiving this email was like God saying, "I know, you need some rest."
Every year, November and December are a whirlwind.  It's like a mad sprint toward the finish line of the year.  With every year-end, I say that I'm going to slow down.  But things get busier.  Maybe it's having three kiddos or maybe it has something to do with wanting to enjoy life a bit more.
During my 100 Joys Journey I ventured through, inspired by the sweet Sarah Markley, I was amazed by all the sweet joys I noticed and experienced during the month of December.  After a year filled with the transition of life from two children to three; feeling like I was sucking at being a wife and Mom; wondering how we would stretch our growing family of five in our 3-Bedroom townhome; finding all these joys tucked into a year filled with laughter and pain has admittedly been a relief.
There were times, this past year, that I felt like an utter and complete failure.  I didn't make sense to myself, let alone to all the people around me.  My heart took a flight into the pit of hell when I found my faith was flailing around like a fish-out-of-water.
I am so grateful and thankful for peeps that held me up in prayers and love.  These people prayed and encouraged me through this.  These family and friends made me laugh while I bawled my eyes out.  Some of you might not even be aware of the healing words you spoke to me throughout this past year.
Twenty-ten ended with some sheer moments of joy that showed me how God has been healing my heart.  In times when there was nothing I could do but call out His name to help me, He did.  He never let go.  He. is. not. done. with. me.  I'm still here, aren't I?
I have been wasting time wondering where certain relationships have gone and why some relationships do not exist.  What I have found is the Lord beckoning me while He has been by my side.  What I have seen is my Hubs, never giving up on me.  What I have learned is that these three sweet babies I have held since the seconds they were born make my life rich but ultimately are not for me.
I end this past year not looking back but moving forward.  I am crazy about the God who has loved and saved me from my despair.  I am crazy about my wonderful Husband who I get to do life with.  I am crazy about these three littles that make my heart grow exponentially with each day.  
Those were 8 busy days of traveling everywhere for Christmas.  We left on Christmas day for the beach and stayed 8 nights instead of seven because they told us we could stay longer at their beautiful haven of a beach house.    We got to stretch out in a house with 8 bedrooms.  Umm, I'm starting to get freaked out by the number 8.
We rested, relaxed, ate, played and enjoyed each other.  We watched a snowstorm, played in the snow and on the last day there, watched our kiddos run around, shoeless in the sand.
We felt apprehensive about leaving but we are looking forward to this New Year.  I am leaning on these verses, "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:22-23

Beautiful snow-covered sand dunes

Me & my girl

Sweet things!

Hubs & Pretty Princess checking out the starfish
during our Aquarium visit.

Special K:  Mom is that shark going to eat us??

Littlest-little digging the fishies.

NYE celebration with the kiddos and sparklers.

Dancin Girl.

Gorgeous walkway to the beach.

Getting some lovin from my littles.

Handsome Hubs and the Littlest.