Words Can Change Everything (pt. 1)

While Hubs & I were talking one night, two months ago,  he told me something that would change the course of our lives.  He told me he had been praying about an opportunity that would move us to Richmond.  Richmond is a place we had talked about moving to in the future because there were things to do, great places to eat, it wasn't as fast-paced as the DC area (where we met), we had various sets of friends there that are a part of our journeys from single days and our days together.  I did not know that the future was n.o.w.
Moving to a different city, only an hour away, isn't quite so earth shattering to most folks.  But to me, that meant P.A.C.K.I.N.G.  I think moving might be one of the bigger stressors in life, probably because there is so much tied to it.  An interesting thought to have to pack up boxes only to have a certain 17-month-old take everything out, no?  Kudos to you military families that always have to pick up and go!  Growing up, I only moved a total of four times.  I only remember having to pack and move, once.  After being married, we've moved five times.  This move will be our sixth.  

What this meant for us was: having to sell our home that we are completely upside-down on; holding off from telling anyone until other parties involved were told first for Hubs' job sake; feeling isolated during a part of this journey that we would like to have had people walk with us; and trusting that God would show us exactly what He could do apart from what we knew we could not.

Basically, what I am telling you is these past couple of months, I have been CRAZY...in a calm way.  Is that even possible??  I have never been told that I am discreet but inside I felt like I was going insane.  I wonder if that has anything to do with my extroverted side.
The other side of what has been going on has been nothing short of miracles and God calming our fears, one after the other.  In this housing market, I knew it might take a long time for our house to sell.  We also knew that we were completely upside-down on our house.  Go ahead, say that we. are. crazy.  Now that you feel better after saying it I'm going to tell you the rest of the story.
First, Hubs & I met with our Mortgage Lender.  He is an amazing, godly man who not only prayed with us but read from Psalm 30.  He told us he knew God would lead us and this whole situation, even if it didn't seem logical that things would work out.  
Second, we met with 'the Realtor'.  She is someone who handfuls (quite literally) of peeps recommended to us.  She had also been a part of some home sales that, clearly God had worked out.  The first time we met (on February 7th - and you'll see why the dates are important as you read on), we found out we went to the same hairdresser, laughed and then I flung my full cup of coffee at her, from the kitchen counter.  She not only dodged the coffee but she offered to clean it up!  Poor girl.  We scheduled to meet the following week, on Valentine's Day.  
She came over, sat down with Hubs & me and we talked numbers.  (Mind you, in prepping the house just for the first visit and knowing that it had to be done for the house to be on the market, let's just say that my sweet little family had no idea what OCD was until this happened!)  Did I tell you that numbers make me nervous?  They do.  And when I look at facts, it makes me more nervous.  We looked at the market analysis, decided on the sale price of our home and then 'the Realtor' told us this:  "We have a meeting in our Realty Office to let all the Realtors know what is in process and what might be coming.  I told them that there was a family interested in selling there home in your area.  Another Realtor said she had a client looking for a house in the same area.  Would you be interested in having her look at your house?"  Are you catching this?  She asked us if we'd be interested in having someone come look at our house before we put it on the market NEXT MONTH.  Of course we gathered ourselves and said 'YES'!  A couple hours later, 'the Realtor' called and asked if we'd be O.K. with the potential buyer coming to see the house TOMORROW.    I realized at this point that getting the house spic-and-span and getting rid of all our clutter was never going to be a reality.  The fact was, we had no idea what would happen so we needed to have the house as clean as we could get it.  All you need to know is that we are still recovering things from our house that we have hidden in spots that I did not even know existed!
The next afternoon (the 15th), there was a cleaning frenzy and.......a poor little baby with diarrhea.  Frenzy was not even the word at that point.  We were taking off sheets, running the wash, lighting candles, spraying rooms down,  a quick bathe for the littlest little and sweating bullets.  Oh, and hiding things.  All of the sudden I hear, "SHE'S HERE."  And here was my response, "WHAT??  SHE'S EARLY.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  SHE CANNOT BE EARLY."  
It was the person's Realtor.  She kindly said she was early and would wait outside until her client arrived.  We set the flowers on the table, took a final glance and headed out the door.  This Realtor said her client was running a few minutes late but that they would definitely be out of the house in an hour, max.  Sweet because we were going to run an errand and get dinner for the fam.
An hour and thirty minutes later, we drove up and saw that they were still in the house.  Um, it simply doesn't take that long to see 1480 square feet.  I was just hoping that they didn't get buried under all the things we hid after they opened one of the closets!  So then, we became those people.  We had parked six house away, trying to feed the three little birds the dinner we had picked up and trying not to spy on the Realtor and client walking out of our house.  Of course Special K is standing up out of his seat, pointing and staring, asking who those people were coming out of our house.  
They finally left, we scrambled to get in the house, get everyone fed and ready for bed.  An hour after we came in, we got a phone call from 'the Realtor'.  She said, "She wants to put an offer on the house on Saturday."  Hubs was gracious and after he hung up, the four of us (minus sleeping baby) were jumping up and down, hugging, and I was bawling my eyes out on the floor.  We knew that we would have to wait for the offer, the appraisal on our home and for all the money and papers to be squared away.  That didn't stop us (me) from being hysterical and thanking God for how He has our backs.  
The next four days seemed to take forever.  Each few days seemed to bring another cold or sickness with a child.  There were more doctor-visits, tylenol administered, vitamins issued and sleep necessary.  We got a call on Saturday (19th) from 'the Realtor'.  She came that afternoon when the kiddos were resting, to look over the offer.  We'd have to take some time to think and pray if we should accept it.  That night, Hubs & I knew what we thought we could handle.  'The Realtor' came over in the morning and we had a counter-offer.  We waited for two days (22nd) for the response.  This offer was a tough one but we know what we have and know that our God is the One that provides.  We accepted on Wednesday, the 23rd.  Today, the 24th, we JUST got an email for an apology for the delay but that the buyer will initial the papers later this afternoon!
A wise friend told me the other day, "Give the money graciously back to the LORD, Julie."  Oh, if you only knew how wise those words really are, friend.  As we wait, will you pray with us?  Will you pray that the appraisal on our house would come in right where we need it to?  Will you pray with us that on the other side of this, God would provide for and show us exactly where we need to live?  We are praying for our future neighbors, community, the new campus that Hubs will be working with, schools for the kiddos and for our new church family.  And we are saying to the LORD, "Where you go, I'll go - I will follow You."
We are thanking God that we won't have to be in OCD, cleaning-frenzy mode for the months to come.  Also that we won't have to pick up and leave the house at any moment, with napping littles.  It is bittersweet to leave the place that God called us to, 7 1/2 years ago.  It is with sweet sorrow that we leave the place where we started our family with just the two of us and ended up with three beautiful kiddos.  
The Goodbyes will have to wait until later.  We're not ready yet.  We have four more months to savor.  Here is a part of a song I'm listening to right this very moment:

My Story by Addison Road

If this is my story, if this is my song

Then I want to be a part of something beautiful

If this is my journey, then show me your road

Wherever you lead me in this world I want to go

There’s just too many times I only think of me

‘Cause I get so consumed with my opportunities

When my last breath brings me to the feet of God

I want to hear him say I lived for his glory.

This Romance

You can take the romance out of marriage but marriage cannot survive just from a romance.  That isn't a very romantic statement, eh?  What I mean by this is that over the years, the very things that we did when we were falling in love doesn't necessarily happen now.  It doesn't look the same.   

When Hubs and I first started dating, we would have JUST seen each other and then we would get on the phone and talk while the other drove home from our date...for hours.  I remember falling asleep on the phone and hearing him say, "You can go to bed.  We'll talk later."  And I would say, "I don't want to get off the phone.  Let's keep talking."  But now our nightly routine is me telling Hubs not to lie down on the couch or he'll fall asleep before his eyes are even closed.  We crawl into bed from sheer exhaustion, kiss each other goodnight, turn over, rear-to-rear and fall asleep in about negative 15 seconds.

Instead of the leaving notes all over the house for one another, we send each other texts or emails throughout the day.  Hugs and kisses are still alive and kicking but what we seek is to find time in our days and weeks to have true quality time.  In the mornings we pray before we get out of bed so we're not bounding into the day like bulls.  Sometimes that plan doesn't work because we realize we have woken up to three hungry birds little people who have not quite managed to understand self-control with their millions of emotions.  Who am I kidding?  That is ALL of us but two of us have had more time over the years to work on it! 

In the past couple of years, we have had the privilege and honor to facilitate Pre-Marital Counseling for a few couples.  We are going through a session with a great couple right now.  We sit and go through a book, answer questions, eat dessert, pray and allow our marriage to be on open book for them.  On one hand, it is sweet to recount how God orchestrated Hubs and my relationship.  And on the other, it is flipping hard to talk about the times when we don't even want to look at each other.  When our temptation is to coexist and only get the bare necessities of life done to scrape by, we wonder where the romance has gone.  I can recall conversations where I will say to Hubs, "Why don't we do those things anymore?  I need to be pursued and sought after.  Will you do that again?"  

I realize the ways Hubs pursues is by providing for me and our family.  He prays, he fixes, he cooks, he takes the trash out, he washes dishes and cooks.  He makes sure our budget is in order, he bathes the kiddos and reads books.  We share a lot of responsibilities but how we pursue one another has shifted in this stage of our lives.

A misconception on my part is that I, inadvertently, wait for Hubs to pursue me.  There are too many times that I complain in my heart that:  I am too tired; I have cleaned the house; I need rest; I don't want to hear anymore whining; I have cooked three meals today; I deserve to get away.  You owe me.  

If all we ever did was romance each other and never went through the tough stuff or didn't choose to love each other daily, we would be standing on a foundation built on sand.  I thank God that our marriage is built on Him.  We know that there is nothing in our own power that will make our marriage work.  If it was based on two very selfish people who seek out for themselves, what incentive would there be?  When I am seeking out for my own interests and making sure that I have something to gain from this relationship, it isn't about love.  It is about making myself feel comfortable, feeding my own pride and making sure that my Hubs' existence is about me and me only.  Phew.  That sounds gross, no?

In Sacred Marriage , Gary Thomas says, "I think most of us who have been married for any substantial length of time realize that the romantic roller coaster of courtship eventually evens out to the terrain of a Midwest interstate - long, flat stretches with an occasional overpass.  When this happens, couples respond in different ways.  Many will break up their relationship and try to recreate the passionate romance with someone else.  Other couples will descend into a sort of marital guerilla warfare, a passive-aggressive power play as each partner blames the other for personal dissatisfaction or lack of excitement.  Some couples decide to simply "get along."  Still others may opt to pursue a deeper meaning, a spiritual truth hidden in the enforced intimacy of the marital situation."  This passage leads me to the question of, which will you choose? -- A breakup in search to re-light the once passionate romance but with someone else?  Or will it be the choice of "all's fair in love and war"?  The most difficult choice, yes, is pursuing a deeper meaning and spiritual truth hidden in your marriage.  The subtitle to this book is "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?"

My heart is not to paint this glib and unattractive picture of marriage but rather the picture of love.  Romance is well and good and there is definitely a place for it.  Every week, God-willing,  Hubs and I have carved out a time for a date night.  It's a time just for us, uninterrupted, sometimes to run errands, others to sit and talk over a meal and times where we share our time with good friends.  In the end, it is quality time where we are intentionally pursuing each other in the best way possible for that moment.

A few weeks ago, my Husband's romantic gesture was to send me away for my Girl's Weekend Getaway.  I went away to rest, recharge and come back better.  Many mornings, my man brings me a cup of coffee while I'm still in bed.  The other day, we had a more heated battle than the Iron Chef's in Kitchen Stadium.  But what I saw in a moment of us "going to our corners" was a man with his hand on my pillow on our bed, praying for me, for us and for this sacred romance.  

This Valentine's Day, when we wonder who will bring us chocolates, a Hallmark card and a dozen roses, ask yourself what this day was created for.  Truly, do you need a card company to tell you that on this day you should be loved and romanced by things that will end up in the trash?

The marriage that you're in, the marriage that you're hoping for or the marriage that you've even ended, God can redeem.  His love is pure, without expectation, unadulterated and true.  The love you have to give is a choice you make, daily.

Hubs, by-the-way, thank you for bringing home the two McD's Apple Pies, last night, so we could share some time together.

What kind of romance are you waiting for?

Beauty Bands

When I was 15, I constantly wondered what other people were thinking of me.  I was in the 10th grade, traipsing the halls of my High School, insecure, fixing my hair, hanging out with my tight group of friends, slipping notes into my friends' lockers and barely concerned about turning a page in my Geometry book.  At home, I would spend my time planning an outfit for the next day and in the morning I would meticulously spend time with a curling iron, carefully placing each strand of curled hair down to look...perfect.
At 25, I was out-of-college with a degree in hand on the wall and living with 3 girlfriends and a very large cat affectionately know as "Brutus".  I was actually working at a job I loved, staying up late, almost every night and yapping with friends about the "plight" of singlehood.  At that time, I was on this crazy-fad workout regime, getting up at 6AM most days, working out six-days-a-week.  I was eating eggwhite scrambled eggs with peppers and onions almost every morning and feeling like I was in the best shape of my life.  But I was still struggling with what stared back at me in the mirror.
A few Eleven years, one Hubs, five dwellings, three kiddos, stretchmarks a few beauty bands, one 10K, one 5K and two dark circles under my eyes later, I'm still not satisfied with what I see.  This week Hubs and I started training for our April 2 - 10K.  It's the same one I've run before.  The race is flat (Thank God!), it's good fun with bands playing along the way and crazy people dressed in outfits like the dude that was dressed like Indiana Jones carrying a boulder behind him the last time I ran.  When we trained for that first race, every time we would go out to the 4-mile-trail with Special K and little G in the jogging stroller, I would look at Hubs and say, "I can't do this.  I'm not a runner."  He'd look back at me and say, "Yes you can.  I'm doing this with you."  "Easy for you to say", I'd say under my breath.  At the time, even after 17-20 hour labor and deliveries of 2 little babies, I felt little confidence in pounding the pavement.  What was I doing this for?
What I have realized over the years is that people love to torture their bodies I do better having specific goals placed before me rather than saying, "Oh, that muffin top has go to go.  I need to lose 5,10, 20lbs."  What stares back at me in the mirror is a wrong perception.  God did not make a mistake.  I say that I believe God in and through all things.  Welp, He says He made me in His image.  He also says that we should take care of our bodies, we shouldn't be gluttons and we are able.  
So, this week, I have done three Insanity workouts.  Today, my calves and triceps feel like someone is pelting snowballs at them, everytime I walk.  Nice, huh?  I am eating well and have a sweet here and there but I am thankful to not be obsessed.  I am thankful that God has brought me to a place where I can see most things in moderation.  If I do anything obsessively, something or someone gets cheated.
This morning I woke up and said, "Babe, I am not working out today.  I've got an old body."  He laughs but I know that this is a good place to be.  If you see me on the Parkway, keeled over on the side of the road waving you down to drive me home, please do me a favor and keep driving (unless you see me down for the count!).  I'll make it.  See you at the race.

Where Have I Been?

Where have you been, you ask?  The whole month of January went out like a blur but it also seemed to take forever to get to February!  Do you ever feel like that?  The beginning of 2011 was filled with bad weather closing school and 'not-so-much-bad-weather-but-they-decide-to-close-the-whole-county-down' days.  It was Hubs being out-of-town for 5 days and craziness in our home.  January was celebrating my sweet little girl's 4 years in this world.  It was also looking forward to time for a Girls' Weekend to Florida with girlfriends that I am humbled and proud to know.  

January was also a month of kids tossing their cookies and hoping and praying that the next person would be spared from the travesty of it all.  I left for the Girls' Weekend with little G sick then to find out that Special K came home early that Friday with the same bug.  I spent the weekend with a fever and chills.  We still managed to have a great time catching up, laughing and crying together.

I'm sitting here, writhing in pain from the torture of a Shaun T workout.  If you don't know who he is, check out the Insanity DVDs.  The name explains it all.  The torture is to get ready for a 10K that Hubs and I are running in April.  We've done this one before.  Hubs ran it twice.  I managed to be preggers for the second one Hub's ran not knowing baby #3 was in the belly when we both signed up.  It is awesome to have goals here and there.  But sometimes getting there is some serious work, pain, effort and in the end, triumph.  I'll give you check-in's to let you know where I'm at.  

My mind is swimming with the details of life.  If you can imagine that I would love to just have a day with no one in the house...just me, some music and a scrub brush to clean the house from top to bottom.  Yeah, I'm living life on the edge!  I've got my planner open, books on the table and amazingly, a quiet house with Hubs at work, 2/3 kiddos did not have school for "impending weather" and one little that repeated "Ni-night?  Ni-night?" with his thumb in his mouth after lunch.  *Smile*

Life is hard and I always feel like I'm playing catch-up or catching nothing at all.  The daily grind, little people circling around me like hawks for their prey (in love people, in love!), the dishes mounting in the sink, the laundry spilling over from the basket and precious peeps in our lives that are really sick.  Yet my heart has been reminded, literally every moment, for the last 4 weeks that:  "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning: great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, "the LORD is my portion; therefore, I will wait for Him."  Lamentations 3:22-24

I have been hanging onto the promise that I don't have to be consumed by anything.  The LORD is compassionate and He is my portion in this life.  He is faithful, just and gives the peace that surpasses my puny little mind.  Thanks God, that I can live this life abundantly here on this earth but also look forward to a forever life with you.  I'm just praying I make every moment you give, count.  

January in Pictures

Blowing bubbles at the Beach

Laughter in between stop lights 

Little G having a lunch date with Mama

Date Morning with Special K

Lovin from the Hubs