Schooled

The Urban Dictionary definition for Schooled:  Taught a lesson (the hard way), to lose humiliating.

When I think of this word I think of being on the Basketball Court.  I can't play the game worth a darn.  As I think about the last 2 years and even the last 2 weeks, considering and praying about Homeschooling our eldest,  I feel like I got schooled on so many other levels.  I got taught a lesson the hard way.  

For two years, I have had dozens of conversations with other Moms and couples about the pros and cons of Homeschooling.  Who knew it would be such a touchy-topic?  Some are adamant about it and some practically ripped my head off for considering it.  Shoot, if my family wants to consider what is best for us and our children, it surely doesn't mean I'm judging you.  Don't be a hater.  


If anything, through this journey of questions, doubts, fears and indecision, I have learned the hard way, that you have to do what honors God and is best for our family.  In my case, the Hubs and I came to a head these past 2 weeks.  We prayed.  We posted up a pros and cons list on our whiteboard.  We had long conversations that got my undies all twisted up in a knot.  I looked up more websites and blogs about homeshoolers than you can imagine.  I read things that made me tear up, laugh in hysterics and then question why on earth we would consider it.  The amount of curricula out there is enough to make your head spin.


Why did we consider it, you ask?  It was not because I was dying for the proverbial denim jumper.  It was not for the sake of putting a plastic bubble around my kids and shielding them from this unkind world.  Nor was it because I thought I was somehow more qualified to teach than all the wonderful schoolteachers out there.  We considered homeschooling because we know our children better than anyone else.  We would be able to create our day, have a flexible schedule and choose our own curricula.  We could give as many encouraging hugs as we wanted, take an unlimited amount of field trips and talk about Christ and who we believe Him to be.  Homeschooling would be portable and with the Hubs' job, there are times where it comes in handy to pick up and go.  Not to mention that the Kindergarten school day would take 1 hour and not 7 hours!


Every time the Hubs and I would discuss what direction we would go in, I would say something contrary.  He loved that.  My 'argument' was not to get his goat but so that we could get a realistic picture of the positives and negatives of each scenario.  What I realized was that I was seeking the answer in the uncertainty.  I have no idea what any of this would look like, long term.  I was not fully trusting that God would see us through this.  I was holding back from really releasing it from my control.  I was seeing through the lens of how this was all going to fall on me instead of looking at it from a family-team perspective.  I. am. freaking. selfish.

I always want to be ahead of the game but somehow, I always end up behind.  I think this is God's way of humbling me and telling me, "Julie, would you chill?  I've got it under control.  Give your thoughts and worries to me.  Ask me and be patient.  You are SO far ahead of yourself."   


In the end, we are sending our Eldest to Kindergarten in 3 weeks.  The reality of having a Kindergartener, Preschooler and a 1-year-old has my heart and mind very full at the moment.  If and when I can give the full attention to homeschooling that I need to, I will.  I am thankful that I have researched and will know what to do if the time comes.

Until then, I will bawl my eyes out as we drop him off in front of the school.  It will be like a piece of my heart, walking away.  This is what we know is true:  we trust God with all of our hearts;  we trust God with each child;  we know that we sought God's heart in this and not our own;  we know that our Eldest will make some great friends and learn well;  we know that he will pick up on crappy behavior.  The Hubs and I will re-evaluate in late fall on how our kids are doing and if we need to make changes.  


I wonder if this tells me anything.  We have this Magnet Calendar hanging up on our wall.  The eldest loves to see what is going on for the month (nothing like his Mama, mind you!)  He sees the "First Day of School" Magnet neatly placed on the day and says, "What's this, Mom?"  I asked him to sound out and spell s-c-h-o-o-l.  He did it and then proceeded to jump up and down like his butt was on fire.  I think he might be ready.

                                         This look on his face pretty much sums it up.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:28